A Great Love

We did have a great love. Over thirteen years we grew together through laughter, tears, challenges, and an unstopping love. As I type this I think of all those years that we were so far apart and yet somehow, something just kept us together.

On Saturday the VNA Hospice of Southern California held their annual celebration of life. It was beautiful. I really enjoyed seeing the nurses and staff who worked with us. Linda and Lisa were there. Though I had only met Lisa during Hamid's last 2 days, I feel so close to her. I think God had a hand in bringing her to us for Hamid's passing. As she watched over us that Wednesday morning she recognized Hamid's Purple Heart Award from Sharp Memorial - she had worked there years earlier and knew many of the nurses who had taken care of us those 4 months. I don't know if the nurses and staff have it, but I feel this deep connection to them....they saw our life at its rawest, most intimate times. I have the same feelings about the nurses, and of course Hamid's two doctors from Sharp (Dr Barone and Julie). They come into your lives and your heart is there - breaking, hoping, aching, loving...all at once, and they are there.

Me, mom, Ariyana and Afshin walked to the front of the church to place a picture of Hamid on the alter along with a single rose from our garden, which was added to the flowers from other families. I remember, there was a man who was taking the pictures and setting them out for the families. When he asked to take Hamid's picture, for a few moments I didn't know what to say. I didn't want anyone else to touch his picture - it was mine and I wanted to go and put Hamid there among the others myself. Hamid looked so handsome in that picture. It was a picture from our wedding - he was walking, holding his suit jacket over his shoulder and showing that beautiful smile of his. Yes, that smile that always gave me butterflys.

We went back to our seats. As mom and I kept the kids busy, I realized that we were the only ones there with children. I didn't see any other people my age. No young children. It was the stark reminder that it is not supposed to be like this; Hamid was too young, too full of life to be taken so early.

Dr. Quijada, Hamid's hospice doctor, was one of the speakers. He saw us as we walked to the front of the church and he waved to me. It felt like he was encouraging me. When he spoke, he said that he wanted to talk about the love that he had witnessed with two couples this year. One couple who had been married for 52 years, the other couple for 3 and who had 2 young children. Out of the hundreds of people who were being celebrated this year, he remembered Hamid and the love that we had shared. I felt so honored. He talked about the different types of love - oh, it was beautiful - he shared of our love and the trips we took while on hospice. And then Dr. Quijada talked about our love through his eyes as he watched Hamid tell me that he was going to stop his IV nutrition. He saw our tears and shared in a moment that few people are part of - a husband and wife's love, committment, pain, and acceptance. He called that love a flame - one that even death can not put out.