Goodnight

It's late. Hamid and I used to be in bed at 9pm, curled up together watching tv with me eating my ice cream and he sneaking a bite before falling asleep beside me . I miss those nights, especially when he pulled me in close to him as he did every night. He would always say come closer and I would scoot closer so there was nothing between us at all - just each other. It is amazing how something so simple was so powerful. I always felt safe there snuggled against him. It is something to cherish.

Goodnight my love. I miss you so much. I hate that life goes on - it should just stop so that I can just be. But the sun keeps coming up and yes, that rooster down behind the house keeps crowing and that donkey keeps hee-hawing for what ever reason each night. It is late and very quiet now. Ariyana and Afshin are sleeping. I wish I could feel you just one more time and have you remind me that we will be ok. I know we will but the world is not as bright without you here. I smile and laugh but it's as if only part of me is there in that moment. Another part of me cries out for you to be there by my side. Behind the smile there is the pain. They say it won't always be there. That is probably true but it is there now. So Hamid, I will try to go to sleep now and maybe you will visit me in my dreams. But it is ok if you don't as you are always in my heart.