Inspiring...

I was talking with a woman I had recently met. As we were parting she looked at me with warm eyes and said, “I’ve read your blog. I couldn’t stop reading - your story is so inspiring.” Her words went straight to my heart. That is what I want our story to be – inspiring.

Oddly enough, I actually saw my last post a few weeks ago and had made a mental note to blog again. I had been extra vulnerable with that post sharing my pain and my feelings of insecurity; my need to run. Everyone thinks I am so strong and together but there are these moments, thank God they are just moments, where I am overwhelmed with loss; with the pain of Hamid’s death, what he went through, and how hard his death was in the end. It can literally bring me to my knees. It is scary to let others see that side of me, yet at the same time I find it empowering to acknowledge the tragedy of losing my husband so early. My blogging has been a source of healing as I embraced the grief as well as celebrated God’s surprising gifts amidst my pain.

My life is good. I am happy. I am blessed to see Ariyana and Afshin bounding with energy and excitement each day. They know their Baba and we often laugh at stories of him. But they also feel safe and love their new Daddy. There are moments when Afshin clings to Wayne snuggling up against him or vying for his attention in sword fighting where I feel a twinge of pain to know that was supposed to be Hamid. My heart breaks a little but I take a breath and remember the greater things in this life and beyond. I am blessed that my children have such a loving father. We are living here and now, and that is what God wants us to do; to live, to love, to give to others. God and Hamid gave me the gift to keep on living. Our children are living, too, and Hamid’s story lives on in them. I know that one day they will read our story and they will be proud, they will be inspired.