I Miss You

Yesterday, Ariyana woke up from her nap in my bed and came over to me with a book in her hand saying, "What's that, Maman?" I looked at the book, it was I miss you, a first look at death. I looked at her and I knew she wanted me to read it to her as she kept pointing to the sad puppy lying next to slippers at the foot of an empty chair. So we climbed into bed and I began to read.

Death is a natural part of this life that we know here. As I read the words the tears came. It talked about life going on...it does, but it is different and so am I. As my voice softened, Ariyiana turned to look at me and ask what was wrong. I told her that I miss Baba so much it makes me sad. She nodded and then we kept reading. It hurts to know that there will be a day when she will understand the meaning in this book and that she and Afshin will grieve their father. I know he is in a better place but he was supposed to have more time with us.

I am putting together videos that we took this past year. As I played one, there was Hamid playing his electric guitar for Ariyana who was toddling around his office back and forth from the printer to his speakers. I sat there mesmerized by the music, knowing that Hamid was so in love with life at that time. His two beautifuls, as he always said, right there with him while he played away on his guitar. I think it was Parham who said that there is a little bit of Hamid's soul in those guitars. It is so true.

Hamid I carry you in my heart. You will always be there. After Ariyana and I finished reading the book, I told her that you were in Heaven but that we always keep your memories here in our hearts. Yes, Hamid, you will always be there. I miss you and just wish that life could have been different for us. I know we will be together again but until then I will carry you here in my heart.